hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
