Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
