oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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