Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
