Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
