i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
