I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
