You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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