The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
