sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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