Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
