nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
