she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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