you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
