The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
