I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just want nice things and good sex
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
