Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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