We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
