Tell her she can't have a vagina
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
