Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
