hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
