my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize