Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
