hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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