She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
