69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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