bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
