he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
