in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
