When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
