Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize