i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
