Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
