Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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