i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize