Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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