my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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