i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
