I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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