Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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