1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
