You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
