Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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