Sponge bath it is.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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