hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize