got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
