Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
