Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
