It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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