we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
