She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize