He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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