All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize