and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize