I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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