when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
