My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
