whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
