I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
