My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize