I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
