I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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