a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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