At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Those nachos came to me in a dream
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
