I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
