If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
