Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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