dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
